Friday, February 25, 2011


It was like this.  We set this pretty rug up.  Placed all of our things on it.  Got so comfortable.
Caught in the spider web of love.  Lost a lot of things and willingly sacrificed others. 
Over time the rug was slowly slipping from underneath me.  As hard as I tried to stop it, it just kept moving away.

Until it was completely pulled.  Jerked from up under my own feet. 

I'm not scared to be alone.  I'm scared to forget such an amazing love.  I'm scared that replacing someone like that is impossible.

The wound is still fresh.  It's deep and it hurts.  The future holds no promise and I'm left with boxes of memories.  I toss and turn in bed, nobody to catch me. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We had no idea.  A first for everything.  A "live and learn" type of relationship.  The plans.  The plans we had  as couple.

The feeling has hit me.  The feeling that I'm not there.  I could be replaced.  It's like a swift kick to the stomach.  Making me sick, losing my balance.

I was off track.  I was walking this tight rope.  This tight rope that I wanted to lead back to that first month.  The first month that I met you.   White T and all.  This feeling I had when I saw you.

Like the feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster.  Surprised.  You caught me.  That day you caught me and I never let go.  I never wanted to let go.

The bumps in the road.  The issues, the disagreements, the confusion the things we should have overcome.  Sometimes trying too hard.  Sometimes not giving it our all.

The apartment.  The things inside that made me feel at home.  The goals, the dreams they've been thrown out the window of memories.  Past.

I was always afraid to be the one forgotten.  My image is irreplaceable.  I left a strong mark on your heart.
One that will always be there. 

The space.  The attempts.  The love was unreal.  I've never felt this way.

This grip we had on each other.  One we promised to never loosen.  You let go.  Reaching so far extending my arm to grasp something.  I lost.

That night.  The anger, the rage the disappointment overcame me.  I gave up.  I was hurting.

I packed my boxes.  I cried and cried and cried.  Trying to go through every single day in my head wanting to lay here and never move.  Never let go of these things, this place your heart.

I packed my life away. 

My heart is empty.

We stood in the rain.  We held each other so close.  I grasped onto your hoodie.  Hoping you'd never let go.
The rain was cold and my tears kept falling like the rain does from the clouds.

I was shaking.  This was it.
My life.  Something that would never be the same.
Packed away.
Empty apartment just like my heart.

I grasped onto you again.  Telling you I would be okay.  What a lie.
I'm not.  One day, but not right now.

It doesn't feel right.
It's so unreal.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


I've never been good with rules.
I've never been able to listen to what someone says when i think its stupid and follow through.
When it's asked to better something I usually consider it.
I usually try my best and succeed as well as I can.

I feel that it's only fair to stick to it especially when you care about that person.
Sometimes it can show that you're becoming better at something.
Or that you have the will power.

In return i feel that it's okay to ask that person for a favor?
Maybe something that just bothers you or is just wrong timing to do.
Maybe just even hold off on something that irritates you.

When you love someone you avoid the things that make them tic.
Even if its something as simple as, don't accept that friend request. dumb as that sounds it's fair right?
That person doesn't have to listen, that person has their own rights.
At some point you have to be fair.
At some point you just have to say "OK, yes i can do that for you."

When that person can't, when that person doesn't listen, or want to do things in return
it's a swift hard kick in the stomach.
Things should be fair and equal in a relationship.

You both should have to put in just as much work as the other.
You should be able to express the things that you can and can't stand.
Sometimes you give and give and give and get nothing in return.

Somtimes you get everything taken away, and that one person holds it high
above your head.  Dangling the things you love right before your own eyes.
All you want is to have it back.  To hold the things you love so close.

What if you're doing everything they've asked.  You're doing your best and just trying to find that happy place so you can move on, but they do something low.
Something so simple, something thats just unfair.

You can't say a word.  You can just sit and squirm.
Be pissed and write or even get revenge.
Now, i'm not the type of girl to get revenge.
I'm the type of girl who would pack her things and leave.

Relationships, friendships and family need to be equal.
Everybody needs to give and sacrafice just as much as everyone else.
I believe in equality.  Find those people that makes you feel like
as much as you're giving you're recieving.

I just want everyone to know i've been going through some things.
I've lost myself as a person and i'm on this journey to discover myself all over again.
It's going to be rough and it's going to be amazing.
I'm going to continue to write daily, express any and every feeling, thought, and action I encounter.  I hope the majority of these posts help some of you.
I want to inspire women all over the world.  As of right now all I can do is blog.
Blog my life, situations, feelings, thoughts and ideas.

Bare with me.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Totally just read this post on Necolebitchie.Com
T.I. is so REAL! Him and Tiny may be going thru some shit.
BUT DAMN!  If this isn't inspiration to men all over I dont know what is.
I hope a man talks about me like this one day.

"Can’t say enough about how special of a woman I have. It takes a lot to endure the worst of times and still stay grounded during the best of times. She’s been able to do so for long as I can remember. For all that and more, I just adore her in every way. I love her spirit, her heart, her integrity and her loyalty. She’s the love of my life and the girl of my dreams. I’ve heard so much about it being hard for true love to exist in the fast lanes of Hollywood , when dudes can’t stay respectfully committed and chicks can’t stay out their man’s pockets. But somehow she makes it easy, and we never had those problems.
Some women can’t keep up with their men and other can’t seem to slow theirs down. She’s shown that she can do both in grand fashion. A man like me couldn’t ask for a better match. When the world has turned on me and there is darkness all around, she finds a way to bring light in my life and provide positive energy in the face of some of the most extreme circumstances. As long as we have us, fuck da world….nothing else really matters. I’d lay my life down for her and wouldn’t blink about it. In my eyes, she’s the most beautiful woman inside and out. I wouldn’t trade her for all the sun on the beach. As much as I’ve done wrong in life, I’m convinced that I must’ve done something right to deserve a woman as great as her. And I’ll forever do all I can to continue to show my undying love and appreciation."

Monday, February 14, 2011


She makes everything better.

High Hopes

Love is undefineable.
Everybodys definition is different.
I believe when somebody loves you the look past the ugly.
You look past the flaws, they avoid those things that upset them.
I believe when two people are in love they will do anything to better not only themselves but their own relationship.
People fall in and out of love all the time.
When somebody truly loves you they make sure you know that.
They'll do anything for you.
Skys the limit.
Love can make you do crazy things.
It can bring you happiness and tears.
When you are deeply in love with someone things are
agreed upon.  Things should be talked over feelings should be expressed.
When you love someone you should be able to be happy on your own.
You should be able to love yourself so that you can offer your own love to another.
Love is real.
When you love somebody don't let them go.
When you've found that person that makes you have your own definition of love,
don't let them go.
When you love somebody you don't do things to hurt them.
You don't threaten them.
You don't black mail them.
You don't dangle youre realtionship in front of their face.
Love is a happiness.
I love love.
Happy Valentines day to all you amazing couples.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Space-No Stars

In a relationship it is extremely important to maintain your own life.
People get so caught up in love, and being with another individual that they tend to lose things.  Friends, family, a sense of independence, and most of all themselves.  It's so important to be who you are at all times when living with someone.  When you lose yourself you are not the same.  When you're not the same they may not like you.  When you're with someone day in and day out it's so incredibly hard not to bump heads and have differences which can easily and will turn into arguments. 

To keep yourself sane, and miss someone who you live with you need to stick to your routine.  Find time to have "me" time.  Keep your friendships healthy and in communication.  

I'll be honest nothing makes me more happier than coming home from a long day to see my man and puppy.  It's the best feeling ever.  Sometimes it's too much.  Sometimes I need girl time, when I can talk about fashion, and drama and just bullshit girls do.  I NEED that time.  You and you're other half have to be able to have independence.  It's so easy and i mean it. is. so easy. to get caught up in a relationship and depend on someone else to always be there.

My boyfriend is my best friend.  I tell him everything.  Sometimes he doesn't want to hear about girl stuff and that's when I need to take my ass out to lunch or whatever and give him time to do what he wants.  Trust is key to relationships.  You have to trust one another that you CAN go out and have a good time without issues. 

Sometimes its hard at first, and you just worry, it's normal!  After awhile you just have to realize he will come home to you and that you have to trust to let him go hang with his homies.  Same for him!  He has to respect that girl time and know you wont do anything to jeopardize your relationship!

Space is so important and I'm not talking bad space.  I'm talking the space that keeps you sane.  The space that makes you miss one another and want to see each other. 

Ladies listen up.  Men HATE when we whine, bicker, cry, pout and fight.  They'd much rather just leave for a few and cool off.  They can't stand it to hear us rant and rave! 

Living with someone is so different.  You really have to maintain yourself in order to maintain your relationship and that's hard but us ladies know how to multitask.

I learned the hard way and I'm not afraid to admit that.  I lost myself in a relationship and forgot who I was.  I lost my confidence, my courage and my independence and I regret it so much!

After a few days of discovering myself all over again i got back to what i love.  Writing, being a positive influence to my friends and ladies all over. 

Pussy Power.  If you know me you know exactly what I'm saying.  Men love a independent, outgoing, positive, "on her own shit" type of girl.  They WANT a woman who can take care of herself and not need a man but enjoys the company of one.  That IS sexy!

So for you all you fantastic babes out there, take my advice.
From one babe to another this shit ain't easy but it can be if you just be yourself.
Never forget your worth, never downgrade yourself and just be the woman your mama raised you to be!


NP: Lauryn Hill; Ex-Factor

Monday, February 7, 2011

are you cuffin'

Ladies, if your flares cover your shoes you in fact have issues.
Flares are a dying trend that have not died quick enough.

The wash of your denim is important.
If your jeans are damn near white but are "blue jeans"
you in fact have issues.  You may need to see an eye doctor.
Dark denim is the most sexy denim. 

White denim is also a plus.  Make sure you're wearing it in the right season tho.
Destroyed has made a comeback once again.  I truly love a pair of skinnies with a distressed look.  It can be dressy OR casual and I love it.

I enjoy a pair of boot cut jeans.  They're super fun to cuff and wear with heels.
Steer as far away as possible from flares.  They mess with your figure, cover your shoes and just look God awful.  Not to mention you girls that just love rhinestones, you need to go to rehab. 

If your jeans do not have back pockets you need to sit down.  Please just go but a pair of jeggings and call it a day! 



If you've read this blog in shame I suggest you seek help.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


College Dropout is one of my top 5 favorite albums EVER.
The fact that "Through the wire" was inspired by his fatal accident just shows he isn't rapping about dumb shit.  This is real life West!
Released on Roc-A-Fella Records in 2004 I still to this day bump this album.

No matter what West does I will always appreciate his music.
Nothing he does catches me by surprise. 
Just like anyone else he's been through some rough things.  He's only human!
I respect an artist who's music comes from the heart and has a story.
That's the best kind of music.

some cheap goody..

Verdi $5.49