Friday, February 25, 2011


It was like this.  We set this pretty rug up.  Placed all of our things on it.  Got so comfortable.
Caught in the spider web of love.  Lost a lot of things and willingly sacrificed others. 
Over time the rug was slowly slipping from underneath me.  As hard as I tried to stop it, it just kept moving away.

Until it was completely pulled.  Jerked from up under my own feet. 

I'm not scared to be alone.  I'm scared to forget such an amazing love.  I'm scared that replacing someone like that is impossible.

The wound is still fresh.  It's deep and it hurts.  The future holds no promise and I'm left with boxes of memories.  I toss and turn in bed, nobody to catch me. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We had no idea.  A first for everything.  A "live and learn" type of relationship.  The plans.  The plans we had  as couple.

The feeling has hit me.  The feeling that I'm not there.  I could be replaced.  It's like a swift kick to the stomach.  Making me sick, losing my balance.

I was off track.  I was walking this tight rope.  This tight rope that I wanted to lead back to that first month.  The first month that I met you.   White T and all.  This feeling I had when I saw you.

Like the feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster.  Surprised.  You caught me.  That day you caught me and I never let go.  I never wanted to let go.

The bumps in the road.  The issues, the disagreements, the confusion the things we should have overcome.  Sometimes trying too hard.  Sometimes not giving it our all.

The apartment.  The things inside that made me feel at home.  The goals, the dreams they've been thrown out the window of memories.  Past.

I was always afraid to be the one forgotten.  My image is irreplaceable.  I left a strong mark on your heart.
One that will always be there. 

The space.  The attempts.  The love was unreal.  I've never felt this way.

This grip we had on each other.  One we promised to never loosen.  You let go.  Reaching so far extending my arm to grasp something.  I lost.

That night.  The anger, the rage the disappointment overcame me.  I gave up.  I was hurting.

I packed my boxes.  I cried and cried and cried.  Trying to go through every single day in my head wanting to lay here and never move.  Never let go of these things, this place your heart.

I packed my life away. 

My heart is empty.

We stood in the rain.  We held each other so close.  I grasped onto your hoodie.  Hoping you'd never let go.
The rain was cold and my tears kept falling like the rain does from the clouds.

I was shaking.  This was it.
My life.  Something that would never be the same.
Packed away.
Empty apartment just like my heart.

I grasped onto you again.  Telling you I would be okay.  What a lie.
I'm not.  One day, but not right now.

It doesn't feel right.
It's so unreal.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


I've never been good with rules.
I've never been able to listen to what someone says when i think its stupid and follow through.
When it's asked to better something I usually consider it.
I usually try my best and succeed as well as I can.

I feel that it's only fair to stick to it especially when you care about that person.
Sometimes it can show that you're becoming better at something.
Or that you have the will power.

In return i feel that it's okay to ask that person for a favor?
Maybe something that just bothers you or is just wrong timing to do.
Maybe just even hold off on something that irritates you.

When you love someone you avoid the things that make them tic.
Even if its something as simple as, don't accept that friend request. dumb as that sounds it's fair right?
That person doesn't have to listen, that person has their own rights.
At some point you have to be fair.
At some point you just have to say "OK, yes i can do that for you."

When that person can't, when that person doesn't listen, or want to do things in return
it's a swift hard kick in the stomach.
Things should be fair and equal in a relationship.

You both should have to put in just as much work as the other.
You should be able to express the things that you can and can't stand.
Sometimes you give and give and give and get nothing in return.

Somtimes you get everything taken away, and that one person holds it high
above your head.  Dangling the things you love right before your own eyes.
All you want is to have it back.  To hold the things you love so close.

What if you're doing everything they've asked.  You're doing your best and just trying to find that happy place so you can move on, but they do something low.
Something so simple, something thats just unfair.

You can't say a word.  You can just sit and squirm.
Be pissed and write or even get revenge.
Now, i'm not the type of girl to get revenge.
I'm the type of girl who would pack her things and leave.

Relationships, friendships and family need to be equal.
Everybody needs to give and sacrafice just as much as everyone else.
I believe in equality.  Find those people that makes you feel like
as much as you're giving you're recieving.

I just want everyone to know i've been going through some things.
I've lost myself as a person and i'm on this journey to discover myself all over again.
It's going to be rough and it's going to be amazing.
I'm going to continue to write daily, express any and every feeling, thought, and action I encounter.  I hope the majority of these posts help some of you.
I want to inspire women all over the world.  As of right now all I can do is blog.
Blog my life, situations, feelings, thoughts and ideas.

Bare with me.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Totally just read this post on Necolebitchie.Com
T.I. is so REAL! Him and Tiny may be going thru some shit.
BUT DAMN!  If this isn't inspiration to men all over I dont know what is.
I hope a man talks about me like this one day.

"Can’t say enough about how special of a woman I have. It takes a lot to endure the worst of times and still stay grounded during the best of times. She’s been able to do so for long as I can remember. For all that and more, I just adore her in every way. I love her spirit, her heart, her integrity and her loyalty. She’s the love of my life and the girl of my dreams. I’ve heard so much about it being hard for true love to exist in the fast lanes of Hollywood , when dudes can’t stay respectfully committed and chicks can’t stay out their man’s pockets. But somehow she makes it easy, and we never had those problems.
Some women can’t keep up with their men and other can’t seem to slow theirs down. She’s shown that she can do both in grand fashion. A man like me couldn’t ask for a better match. When the world has turned on me and there is darkness all around, she finds a way to bring light in my life and provide positive energy in the face of some of the most extreme circumstances. As long as we have us, fuck da world….nothing else really matters. I’d lay my life down for her and wouldn’t blink about it. In my eyes, she’s the most beautiful woman inside and out. I wouldn’t trade her for all the sun on the beach. As much as I’ve done wrong in life, I’m convinced that I must’ve done something right to deserve a woman as great as her. And I’ll forever do all I can to continue to show my undying love and appreciation."

Monday, February 14, 2011


She makes everything better.

High Hopes

Love is undefineable.
Everybodys definition is different.
I believe when somebody loves you the look past the ugly.
You look past the flaws, they avoid those things that upset them.
I believe when two people are in love they will do anything to better not only themselves but their own relationship.
People fall in and out of love all the time.
When somebody truly loves you they make sure you know that.
They'll do anything for you.
Skys the limit.
Love can make you do crazy things.
It can bring you happiness and tears.
When you are deeply in love with someone things are
agreed upon.  Things should be talked over feelings should be expressed.
When you love someone you should be able to be happy on your own.
You should be able to love yourself so that you can offer your own love to another.
Love is real.
When you love somebody don't let them go.
When you've found that person that makes you have your own definition of love,
don't let them go.
When you love somebody you don't do things to hurt them.
You don't threaten them.
You don't black mail them.
You don't dangle youre realtionship in front of their face.
Love is a happiness.
I love love.
Happy Valentines day to all you amazing couples.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Space-No Stars

In a relationship it is extremely important to maintain your own life.
People get so caught up in love, and being with another individual that they tend to lose things.  Friends, family, a sense of independence, and most of all themselves.  It's so important to be who you are at all times when living with someone.  When you lose yourself you are not the same.  When you're not the same they may not like you.  When you're with someone day in and day out it's so incredibly hard not to bump heads and have differences which can easily and will turn into arguments. 

To keep yourself sane, and miss someone who you live with you need to stick to your routine.  Find time to have "me" time.  Keep your friendships healthy and in communication.  

I'll be honest nothing makes me more happier than coming home from a long day to see my man and puppy.  It's the best feeling ever.  Sometimes it's too much.  Sometimes I need girl time, when I can talk about fashion, and drama and just bullshit girls do.  I NEED that time.  You and you're other half have to be able to have independence.  It's so easy and i mean it. is. so easy. to get caught up in a relationship and depend on someone else to always be there.

My boyfriend is my best friend.  I tell him everything.  Sometimes he doesn't want to hear about girl stuff and that's when I need to take my ass out to lunch or whatever and give him time to do what he wants.  Trust is key to relationships.  You have to trust one another that you CAN go out and have a good time without issues. 

Sometimes its hard at first, and you just worry, it's normal!  After awhile you just have to realize he will come home to you and that you have to trust to let him go hang with his homies.  Same for him!  He has to respect that girl time and know you wont do anything to jeopardize your relationship!

Space is so important and I'm not talking bad space.  I'm talking the space that keeps you sane.  The space that makes you miss one another and want to see each other. 

Ladies listen up.  Men HATE when we whine, bicker, cry, pout and fight.  They'd much rather just leave for a few and cool off.  They can't stand it to hear us rant and rave! 

Living with someone is so different.  You really have to maintain yourself in order to maintain your relationship and that's hard but us ladies know how to multitask.

I learned the hard way and I'm not afraid to admit that.  I lost myself in a relationship and forgot who I was.  I lost my confidence, my courage and my independence and I regret it so much!

After a few days of discovering myself all over again i got back to what i love.  Writing, being a positive influence to my friends and ladies all over. 

Pussy Power.  If you know me you know exactly what I'm saying.  Men love a independent, outgoing, positive, "on her own shit" type of girl.  They WANT a woman who can take care of herself and not need a man but enjoys the company of one.  That IS sexy!

So for you all you fantastic babes out there, take my advice.
From one babe to another this shit ain't easy but it can be if you just be yourself.
Never forget your worth, never downgrade yourself and just be the woman your mama raised you to be!


NP: Lauryn Hill; Ex-Factor

Monday, February 7, 2011

are you cuffin'

Ladies, if your flares cover your shoes you in fact have issues.
Flares are a dying trend that have not died quick enough.

The wash of your denim is important.
If your jeans are damn near white but are "blue jeans"
you in fact have issues.  You may need to see an eye doctor.
Dark denim is the most sexy denim. 

White denim is also a plus.  Make sure you're wearing it in the right season tho.
Destroyed has made a comeback once again.  I truly love a pair of skinnies with a distressed look.  It can be dressy OR casual and I love it.

I enjoy a pair of boot cut jeans.  They're super fun to cuff and wear with heels.
Steer as far away as possible from flares.  They mess with your figure, cover your shoes and just look God awful.  Not to mention you girls that just love rhinestones, you need to go to rehab. 

If your jeans do not have back pockets you need to sit down.  Please just go but a pair of jeggings and call it a day! 



If you've read this blog in shame I suggest you seek help.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


College Dropout is one of my top 5 favorite albums EVER.
The fact that "Through the wire" was inspired by his fatal accident just shows he isn't rapping about dumb shit.  This is real life West!
Released on Roc-A-Fella Records in 2004 I still to this day bump this album.

No matter what West does I will always appreciate his music.
Nothing he does catches me by surprise. 
Just like anyone else he's been through some rough things.  He's only human!
I respect an artist who's music comes from the heart and has a story.
That's the best kind of music.

some cheap goody..

Verdi $5.49

Thursday, January 27, 2011

dream girl.

"I dreamed I found your cell phone... And you were like wiggin out about it cause you didn't know I had it. But you had gotten breast implants and you had taken all these pics on your phone of them and stuff and it became this like epic adventure to return your phone too you cause every one was trying to get it hahaha
It was wild dude
 Some dude that was after the phone was telling me that I "held the power to make millions" and I told him friendship meant more than money and shot him hahaha."

My homies dream some crazy things.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

i think i might...

seriously i cannot give into boring hair.  i just cant. i've rock some of the craziest hair do's ever.  but seriously i think since i've started growing my hair back out all i've thought about is shaving some part of it.  something about a woman being to shave her head or any part is a fucking badass.

amen sista.


buying these.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


How he stay faithful in a room full of hoes?
Must be the pharaohs, he in tune with his soul,
So when he buried in a tomb full of gold.

....not too sure about this weekend.

Monday, January 24, 2011

social network.

I've officially left Facebook.

Maybe it will be better for my work days and I wont have to see stupid shit or that things are being hidden from me.

Oh well..

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Lady Of..

Bought this "Lady of Spain" bottle from World Market yesterday.  Says you'll fall in love with it's toasty nutty blend.  Pretty excited to pop it!  Only $14.99!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Salt & Pepper.

I've always been okay with the way people look at me.  I really cannot be mad when I'm covered in tattoos, sported a shaved head and gave off the vibe that I was on top the world.  To me it was never a big deal to crush on Pharell Williams.  He's a light skin beauty and I've had a thing for him since I can remember. 

No matter what, I believe you should love someone for who they are on the inside, not the outside.  Color to me, whether it's black, blue, purple, green, yellow means nothing.  The personality of a person and how they carry themselves has always gotten me.

The older generation (grandparents) that grew up with racism have stuck with it.  I like to call them stubborn.  Not that I judge them because they were raised that way but I feel that its important to keep up with today's society.  Interracial relationships are more accepted today than ever. 

We are all equal.  If you choose to act a fool, no matter your color that is your choice.  I read a few surveys and the percentage of supporting an interracial couple was higher than disagreeing with it. 

Love comes in all colors, shapes and sizes.  Everyone has their preferences.  Something about my boyfriend that had me head over heals was his smile.  He carries himself well and is just a sexy man!  The color of his skin does nothing for me.  It's the way he presents himself. 

I think some people are quick to judge because of traditions and how they have been raised.  Eventually when you're older you'll want to experience new things.  Stepping out of your race, religion, even traditions is a good feeling. 

You cannot let looks or words interfere with your relationship.  Who you choose to love is your own choice.  Confidence in a relationship is important.  Know that some people may not agree with who you are with but know within yourself it's what you want and nothing can break you.

I've experienced family members disagreeing with what i choose to do.  I respect them but i cannot agree with them.  They're old, they grew up completely different than I did.  It does upset me but I know that I'm happy and I wouldn't change what I have for anyone.

I still get dirty looks.  I just grab my boyfriends hand tighter and keep it moving. 

So power to you odd couples, I love it.


a few things i need from the store...

HK Sushi.

Tree House Pent House

Christian Louboutins.

Chocolate & Vanilla.

HK Nails.

Gucci Rifle.

Baby Zebra.


Today marks the 7th month I've been with my boyfriend.  I met him back in June and we have not been able to leave each other alone since.  To be honest when i first saw him I had butterflies.  Probably the best feeling ever.  He's an amazing man and I am so thankful for him and everything that he has done for me.  He's my best friend and has been there for me since day one.  We manage to pull through thick and thin and always make shit work.  When you find someone that's going to wipe away your tears, or help you when your sick, even run you a bubble bath cause you've had a rough day I advise you to keep him/her.  He's my other half, my sunshine my everything!  Nothing can break us, we have a super Mario bond. 

Me & you, just us two.
I love you so much!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Aint No Holler Back Girl!

Gwen Renee Stefani.

If I had to be like any celebrity it would be good ol' Gwenie Gwen.
From the No Doubt days to selling 7 million of her first solo album she's really come a far way.  Her album "Love Angel Music Baby" is one of my favorite albums ever.  So 80's pop meets No doubt, which is perfect!  Her album gives you that I'm a tough yet sexy girl who doesn't give a f*ck!  What a bad ass woman!

This shit is bananas..

Gwen debuted her clothing line back in 2003.  Expanding her collection in 2005 with the influence of Japanese culture. Since then her line has grown tremendously.  From the super girly Harajuku Lovers line, to shoes, watches, clothes, even sunglasses.  She's bangin' go head with ya bad self!

she's fucking fabulous...

She dares to be different and is such a fashion icon.  I really hope she comes out with a new album.  I'd love to hear some more "No Doubt" Gwen. 

Give us something Gwenie...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Can we put a stop to this?

 Columbus, Ohio tallied a total 105 homicides in the year 2010 alone.
It is now January 17th, 2011 and the fourth homicide happened early this morning around 2:30 AM of this year.

This is not a good fucking start to 2011.

Innocent people are not only getting hurt but losing their lives.  It's a domino effect.  People want revenge.  How can we speak up and get the point across to others that we are killing our own? 

I remember sitting at my boyfriends moms house one night.  We were downstairs eating Chinese and for some reason he had put the TV on mute.  The sound of an old truck had gone by and then at least 6 or 7 shots were fired.  The next day we learned that a 20 year old kid was shot in the chest. 

What about Alexandria who was unfortunately caught between crossfire of two men openly shooting at each other from opposite sides of the street. 

This is real.  People that are close to us are losing their lives.  I understand it happens everywhere, but as a powerful small city, we need to stand up and speak out against violence.  We have that sort of power that we need to take advantage of. 

Our youth needs a good influence, they are our future.  They look up to us, they learn from us.  We must send them the right messages and protect them. 

Support your local crime stoppers and stop the violence acts.  I know that this year I am going to make a difference.  I want the city I live in to not make national headlines for the wrong reasons.

My boyfriend always tells me to only control the things I can control.  Well I feel that maybe I can't control guns being put in the wrong hands of people but I know i can stand up, speak out and attempt to make a difference for the sake of young kids and those I'm surrounded by.

Richard Owen Smith lost his life this morning.  Plenty of people knew him and my thoughts go out to his family and friends.  Rest In Peace.

Here are a few websites you can go to for tips, advice or help.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Bitch Fit.

The Internet is written in ink.

There are so many social networks today that i cant even keep up.
Let it be known that when your stuff is not private it's PUBLIC.
Still even then people can manage to hack into whatever they want and find any information they are seeking.

I have a problem with Facebook and relationships.

It's happened a few times before, that I've been in a relationship and seen shit i could have gone with out.  What some people forget is that its out there for all to see.

choose your words wisely.

If you are in a serious relationship going about adding every girl you have friends in common with is absolutely absurd.  WHY?!?!  What do they have to offer you if you're a loyal person in a relationship?

If you only know these people from the Internet or from "mutual friends" they don't need to be in your life.

I can honestly say it bothers me.

Is your inbox full of numbers?

I personally can say i don't answer half the messages i receive in my inbox.  This morning i was thinking to myself i really am going to delete any person I've never met before from my page.

They don't need to know or be in my business. 

I understand if you're a person of business, and you use it to promote and keep in touch with clients.

Other than that adding every girl you see is just ridiculous.

Yes, I'm pissy. 

Using Facebook to find a relationship is BOGUS.  I laugh at people who literally seek love through Facebook.

All in all focus on real life.  Not what some bitch is doing that you may or may not sweat but have never met.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

oh please.

Derrick Martell Rose.
Chicago Bulls.
High cheek bones.
Tattoos for days.

just day dreaming...

onyx edition.


nails did.

dolla dolla billz yall.

T & A

These days you can't tell what's real from fake.
I know I've been accused of getting a titty job but let me tell you that is far from true.

When is it too much?

I think if the tools are available why not put them to use?
Some take it to the extreme of completely transforming their body but i can agree with a little nip and tuck. 

Boob job?  If you had the opportunity i think 75% of women would jump on it.  Even if its something as simple as a lift.  I chose to never get my chest tattooed because i feel big or small, boobs are sexy, and just complete a woman.


Curvy > Bone thin. Curvy < Bone thin. Curvy = Bone thin.

I think curves make a woman.  Natural curves that is. 

Honestly i went from being a string bean to a curvy confident woman.  I literally weighed nothing, super long lanky arms and legs.  It was so ugly to me.  Throughout the years I've filled out and learned to appreciate my curves.  I really felt like a woman when i could see my ass from the side. 

I give props to women who work their hardest to achieve their goals and better themselves mentally and physically.  It takes a lot of dedication to really upkeep a woman's body. 

The more confident you are with your body and looks the more sexy and appealing you are to others.  Curvalicious or bone thin you have the right to work it.

You should never change yourself or your image for another person.  You were born the way you are and it should mean something to you. 

It's heartbreaking to see girls fall under the pressure of TV and magazines.  Woman all over the world are suffering from eating disorders to "fit in"  THAT IS SUCH GARBAGE TO ME!

 Trust me ladies, you don't want to fit in.  It's more fun to be different and rock what your mother gave you.

Beauty is not only on the outside but always on the inside ladies.