Friday, February 25, 2011


It was like this.  We set this pretty rug up.  Placed all of our things on it.  Got so comfortable.
Caught in the spider web of love.  Lost a lot of things and willingly sacrificed others. 
Over time the rug was slowly slipping from underneath me.  As hard as I tried to stop it, it just kept moving away.

Until it was completely pulled.  Jerked from up under my own feet. 

I'm not scared to be alone.  I'm scared to forget such an amazing love.  I'm scared that replacing someone like that is impossible.

The wound is still fresh.  It's deep and it hurts.  The future holds no promise and I'm left with boxes of memories.  I toss and turn in bed, nobody to catch me. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We had no idea.  A first for everything.  A "live and learn" type of relationship.  The plans.  The plans we had  as couple.

The feeling has hit me.  The feeling that I'm not there.  I could be replaced.  It's like a swift kick to the stomach.  Making me sick, losing my balance.

I was off track.  I was walking this tight rope.  This tight rope that I wanted to lead back to that first month.  The first month that I met you.   White T and all.  This feeling I had when I saw you.

Like the feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster.  Surprised.  You caught me.  That day you caught me and I never let go.  I never wanted to let go.

The bumps in the road.  The issues, the disagreements, the confusion the things we should have overcome.  Sometimes trying too hard.  Sometimes not giving it our all.

The apartment.  The things inside that made me feel at home.  The goals, the dreams they've been thrown out the window of memories.  Past.

I was always afraid to be the one forgotten.  My image is irreplaceable.  I left a strong mark on your heart.
One that will always be there. 

The space.  The attempts.  The love was unreal.  I've never felt this way.

This grip we had on each other.  One we promised to never loosen.  You let go.  Reaching so far extending my arm to grasp something.  I lost.

That night.  The anger, the rage the disappointment overcame me.  I gave up.  I was hurting.

I packed my boxes.  I cried and cried and cried.  Trying to go through every single day in my head wanting to lay here and never move.  Never let go of these things, this place your heart.

I packed my life away. 

My heart is empty.

We stood in the rain.  We held each other so close.  I grasped onto your hoodie.  Hoping you'd never let go.
The rain was cold and my tears kept falling like the rain does from the clouds.

I was shaking.  This was it.
My life.  Something that would never be the same.
Packed away.
Empty apartment just like my heart.

I grasped onto you again.  Telling you I would be okay.  What a lie.
I'm not.  One day, but not right now.

It doesn't feel right.
It's so unreal.

No comments:

Post a Comment